Title: Which Way?

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Fiddlinsue

Rank：none Score：220 Posts：220 From：USA Register：11/11/2008 8:17 AM

Date Posted：11/21/2008 12:41 AMCopy HTML     I remember the morning I was awaken with a moan and the crying out of my name.  I rushed into my mother's room and saw her long, thin, pale face look up at me.  I asked her if she was all right and what I could do for her.  She was breathing very heavy and said, "nothing", she would be fine. I just stared at her, not knowing what to do.  I have never experienced this before. You see, six weeks ago the doctors had told me that she had cancer and to take her home and make her comfortable.  I thought, "sure I'll take her home and make her comfortable, but I'll do everything in my power to make her well."  The doctors knew that my mother was so far beyond help and that there was nothing they could do. But not me, I wasn't going to give up that easily. So I read, made herbal tea, prayed, and made her comfortable.  Her labored breathing continued. I wanted to be near her, so I just sat there and watched her and waited.  She kept tossing and turning, and saying, "which way shall I turn?" I said to sleep whichever way you want mom, but she continued.  I really didn't understand then, but she was just trying to find a comfort zone and I don't think she could.  She continued, so I raced to the bathroom to find some pills to give her to relax her.  They were green little pills that you put under your tongue to help you relax.  I handed them to her and she took them.  She would do anything I wanted, she was so obedient. She never told me she was leaving nor did she tell me good-bye. There were no instructions, please take care of my kitty, or who she wanted to have her special things. Only the labored breathing and the tossing and turning.  I asked her if she had any pain, and she replied, "No, I have no pain!" I was very grateful for that. There was a knock at my door. I ran to answer it because I didn't want to leave her.  It was the nurse, "I've come to bathe Mary," she said. "Oh not today, I don't think today is a good day. I believe today she will be expiring and I don't think she's up to it." "Well let me come in and place a warm washrag on her face and massage her feet to comfort her." "Oh, that would be nice, I thought, come on in." The nurse was very kind and I did welcome her visit. Having her there felt good because I really didn't know what to do. Mom didn't say much, just stared at her and continued her labored breathing. "I love you, mom," I said. "I love you too, dear," she replied. "The nurse has come to comfort you, is that alright?" I asked. "Yes," she smiled. The nurse comforted her, then left. "Which way shall I turn," she asked again. "Whatever way you want mom," I replied again. "I don't know if I should go this way or that way?" Feeling a little frustrated, and realizing she was confused, I said, "Why don't you lie this way, mom, this is a good way to lie."  A few minutes later she asked again.  Her labored breathing continued. The door bell rang again and this time it was my sister-in-law, Aiida.  She asked how mom was doing and I said not very well, "I think it will be any moment now." She went in and held her hand. Mom continued to breathe heavy and toss and turn.  A few minutes later she looked up, put her hand over her eyes and took one last breath. She turned her head to her left and expired. I screamed, "I love you, mom," but she did not respond. It was a moment in my life I will never forget.  Everyday I think how sad it is that she's not here to enjoy the warm sun, the ocean breeze, or see her grandchildren grow up. She did have a nice, long life and that helps ease some of the pain. It's hard to come into this world, someone experiences pain, usually it's the mom. Going out of this world is also a very painful experience and it's usually the children who get to experience this.  I know that someday I will see her again and it's a promise I look forward to.  The Bible tells us that death is our enemy and truly it is.   The above story was written by my sister just after the death of our mother on January 14, 1998.   ©April 25, 2002.  ©"Which Way Shall I Turn" by Teri Unger  ©January 1998.  All backgrounds are ©Fiddlinsue and are not to be used  by anyone but me.  This set is not public domain.  Image is © Arthur Hacker (British, 1858-1919)     Pages last update was: February 23, 2003